[entry]

Apr. 23rd, 2026 04:51 pm
churin: (peek)
[personal profile] churin
my current lease ends at the end of this year and have been thinking of places to move to. one place i'm considering is by the ocean, but the downside to that is that it's a bit of a drive from where i'm at now, and i'm afraid i'll be feeling lonely way more often without my friends and family nearby T_T

so maybe i might stay in the area? but it's also my dream to live near the ocean...i've got until the end of the year to think this all over, at least

merlin, fanfic and the adhd hellscape

Apr. 22nd, 2026 03:05 pm
tinyforestspirit: (merlin)
[personal profile] tinyforestspirit
i finished elementary a week back and... i'm not revoking anything i said in my post. it just wasn't for me. overall i was a little disappointed to be totally honest. i dove into the tumblr tag (as i do upon finishing any media ever) and it seems to be widely beloved. i think it missed me quite spectacularly. ah, well. 

i planned to re-watch merlin as soon as i had finished watching elementary, and now i'm there it's like a breath of fresh air. funnily enough, as much as i always adored it, i never sat down to watch merlin all the way through. i watched the odd episode here and there and i watched either series 3 or 4 as it aired. i avoided series 5 like the plague as i just knew what was going to happen. but now it's time to finally brave it!

and oh how i missed it. i forgot how much i loved these wonderful idiots. i don't know if it's because i've come straight off elementary, but it's really hit me just how much personality these characters have. i love all of them. especially merlin himself. my lord, he fits very snugly into my favourite type of character. he's a little ray of sunshine. i love him so so much. colin morgan too. 

right now i am on series 2 episode 13. i've been watching as i draw or spin and it's been a jolly old time. 

of course, with a new hyper fixation comes with the urge to write fanfic. i've always been a prolific whump / hurt/comfort writer. it's all i write to be completely honest. it's all i particularly enjoy writing. if i'm not writing whump i'm leading up to it. it's incredibly cathartic for me, as i'm sure it is for a lot of people. i've always thought it would be interesting to give my fic to a therapist and see what they can deduce about me from it, but it would feel like exposing a vulnerable piece of my soul. there's a reason why i never share my fic with people in my real life. i have at least 5 new fic ideas buzzing around the brain, all for merlin, all incredibly whumpy. 

so then you would think i would be able to sit and write it.

this is my biggest struggle with adhd, even with medication. doing things. it is easier than it was before, but i still struggle. it's executive dysfunction, i think, combined with task switching (idk if this is more of an autism thing? have both makes it extremely difficult to untangle traits) i will sit with the document open, lost in my own thoughts for ages before i can actually start. once i do i'm usually on a roll. i wrote somewhere in the area of 2k words this morning, but it was exhausting. i love writing and it frustrates me that i can't just do it.

i feel rusty, too. my writing feels creaky. i feel like i've written so much better before and i can't get up to that level again. 

on friday i'll be attending a lesson on adult adhd at the recovery college. i've done group things before, i did an online thing under the nhs not long after i was diagnosed. it was helpful just to learn about adhd, fill in blanks and answer a lot of questions i had about myself. it was only a couple of years ago and i've forgotten everything we covered. i'm hoping friday will be insightful. 

i think what i really need is an adhd coach. i need to learn how to make my brain work for me... but i have no idea how much that would cost. i have savings, but as someone who can't work it's difficult for me to dip into them. these things are usually eye-wateringly expensive. perhaps this is something i can ask about at the session on friday.

i'm going to see if i can squeeze out a couple hundred more words.

Are you a Man or a Mouse?

Apr. 22nd, 2026 07:00 pm
mesona: confused cartoon duck (psyduck)
[personal profile] mesona

I don't know why people keep saying this in response to team losses. Nuggets lose Game 2 yesterday in a splendidly embarassing fashion. We were leading like 14 in the first quarter, lost the lead in the second but Jamal threw a half-court buzzer beater to tie us. Then we just kind of fell apart in the clutch, had baffling plays and rotations, whole works. Now everywhere I go online people are dooming about it. Downer day.

Anyway that's just a non-sequitur for the rest of this post, because I've been feeling more mouse than man recently. Personal doomerisms under the cut, here be dragons.

CW: mental health talk )

Update Today

(It was like 4AM when I wrote the above)

Well, more bad news. Victor Wembanyama fell head-first on the court and was visibly unconscious for a few seconds. He definitely has a concussion and I wish him a good recovery. The Spurs also lost to the loathsome Blazers after this. Go Spurs Go!

In good news, I was pondering more on my dissociation and stint with DID/plurality communities, when I came across some more articles describing something like what I've been experiencing. I was very familiar with the ANP/EP framework (Apparently Normal Part / Emotional Part) with DID. This broadly describes the role parts play in systems. You have the ANP(s) who keeps things suppressed but functioning and EPs who struggle with trauma time, unhealthy coping mechanisms, the works.

But I've somehow missed Nijenhuis' framework of Ignorance, Fragility and Control. A redditor better explained it as Daily Life / Defensive / Autonomy action systems. So Ignorance would be parts that lack inner awareness while maintaining a functional outward appearance, like the ANP. Fragility is parts that hold defensive coping mechanisms against threats that were/are still present, like the EP.

But the most resonant with me is the concept of a Control or Autonomy part. Because yes, that is very much more in line with what my system is centered around. In my noggin, once you cut past the avoidancy, the pleasure-seeking, the desire to be normal, it really just seems like there's someone who wants control over their environment again. Something that has rarely if ever been afforded to me.

I like this article explaining Control-based systems, titled The Other Face of DID. I have read it before, but never really thought it strongly applied to myself because I feel rather lacking in control of my impulses. You would never see me turn to work as a relief mechanism, and I can't diet or exercise for shit. But everything else rings true. (side note: This blog is also a genuinely helpful and well-researched resource for people with trauma and dissociation)

So what's next in line? I feel like I don't have time to reflect on this further, because whatever happens, I have to somehow finish out my university year and graduate. The question remains: Am I a man or a mouse?

Fried Chickemn

Apr. 21st, 2026 08:38 pm
kiramori: (Default)
[personal profile] kiramori

I got drunk again.

So... I'm living some of the weirdest days of my life rn. I'm balsically laid off my job, my employer said he don't want to see my face this week so I'm not making any money till I get back. Idk if I'm the problem or if it's the fact that the place is almost shutting down from crippling debt.

I'm searching for new jobs but I can't find one, guess I'll be unemployed forever. Anyways.

I've been struggling a bit lately regarding my psychiatric appointments. My psychiatrist just left me be so I had to restart my whole treatment, so I decided on my own I'd stop taking my meds. While I do not recommend anyone to do that, I still think it was right for me and the situation I was in. I was at the end of my treatment and getting off my meds, so by stopping I'm either no longer mentally ill or I've developed a new harmful strain of mental illness that I'll carry for the rest of my life.

That being said, I'm not an alcoholic (I can stop whenever I want ok?) I just made the habit of drinking at sundays... Today is not a sunday, but it's a holiday so it's basically sunday.

I'm eating fried chicken and I hate feeling my fingers greasy. Nasty. I'm not greasing my whole keyboard so I was sure to finish eating first before writing.

I have to stop defaulting to my self destructive behaviour every time things go wrong. It's beyond my control but I have to try a little harder. That said, I'm doing my best to finish my thesis and it's going great so far. That's my last year at college so I gotta do things right for once. I'm also working on a game that I hope I can finish this year.

Sorry for the messy post and messy life, I'm not pathetic off of the internet I swear. I just hope I can get back to writing soon because I've been so fucking busy with college stuff lately it's not even funny.

q1 bulletin

Mar. 8th, 2026 01:09 pm
zoomieyo: f!akira from mhyk (Default)
[personal profile] zoomieyo

📆 quarterly bulletin

vol. 2 no. 1
first quarter
monthly reflections???letter from the editor

💽 media digest

📚 reading:
📺 watching:
🎵 listening:
🎮 playing:

📊 stats report

3 goals for the upcoming week

📨 letter from the editor

hello hello! I'm a little out of practice in writing. but as I seem to do.. coming back to writing in march. I get so twisted up about setting goals for the new year... its funny, in the last weekly reporter I talk about the first ever and it pretty much coincides with this week/this reporter.
I originally coded this back in january as a way to ease back into writing for reporter and encouraging some monthly reflection... but well then january turned into february into march and now here we are. I do think it is a little cuter as a quarterly recap but when you dont really do a good job setting goals for the year or the quarter its a bit hard to recap heh... well I'll get it all figured out. better to write something up than to keep dragging my feet writing nothing.
I'll keep most of the highlights for the monthly recaps down below.. there's so much to catch up on and to talk about I'm feeling a little overwhelmed!!

— january

january rolled by very slowly.. I ended up going to a bodybuilding posing seminar and now I'm getting ready to compete in a bodybuilding show x_x

CW: food / eating / food trackingI have a coach and I'm tracking everything I put into my mouth... its been very fun! I have always been worried about the concept of tracking my calories as I was afraid of giving myself an eating disorder... but its more like a game I've found so far. which probably sounds insane but its fun to hit my goals. I'm following a macro plan so it's less restrictive- I can eat whatever as long as it fits in my macros. anyway. what I've found is that I'm making healthier choices and surprise! I'm feeling better too! woah... eating fruits and veggies and lean protein actually keeps you full... and you still look super jacked? crazy.
ANYWAY.
the same weekend I went to the bodybuilding event, there was an event in dallas that I desperately wanted to go to called sprinkle trinkle town- which was an art market/artist convention with a ton of artists I admire and like. mark my words- I Will Be Going To The Next Sprinkle Trinkle Town. and One Day. I Will Vendor At Sprinkle Trinkle Town. a recurring dream/goal/wish of mine is to make art and have my own studio and art business (ok actually this is like The Big Goal Ever For Me. (but I'm scared)) T-T which is a lot easier than I make it in my brain... In the Year 2026... I will start Making Art Consistently !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
what else happened in january...? we got snowed in so I rewatched the witcher with my mom. #notmywitcher ....
classes started back up in january as well.. I have ~roughly a year left in my mba!! woah!!! crazy!!!

— february

february was the month ever !!! I had two big events: valentines weekend and the concert double header weekend.
for valentines weekend, there was a love and deepspace valentines event! so I got in the car and drove down to dallas and had an AMAZING WEEKEND!!! they were looking for volunteers to run a little welcome table so I did that for the afternoon shift and it was so much fun!! I mean the event itself was also awesome- so much cute fanart and cute cosplays! they had a cute little cupsleeve event and a little valentines craft area. it was seriously wonderfully cute. I did a little closet cosplay based off of one of the MC's outfits and put together an itabag with the og3. i spent entirely too much on stickers and merch at this event LOL. I finally got some lads plushies!!! and a cute little zip-up lads hoodie that I've been wearing in the office while I play on my new pc~
since I was in dallas, I also stopped by microcenter because I made it a 2026 goal to finally build my pc! now I am a proud pc mama ! I had been planning to do this for like 5 ish years now so better late than never. I was also was afraid with the rising costs of ram I was never gonna be able to do it unless I bit the bullet- flashbacks to skipping on the cherry blossom ram in aug/sept because "it was too expensive for ram." X_x we arent going to talk about it. I need to come up with a name for my pc... and do a write up for pcpartspicker too... sigh. so many things to write up.....
at the end of the month, I pulled off the most party girl I've ever done. 3 flights for 2 different concerts in 1 weekend. bbno$ was playing in dallas on the 27th, so I left home and flew out to dallas. after a short nap, I got ready and spent the evening dancing to his ridiculous music. I didn't make any friends at this concert sadly so I went for a giant slice of pizza by myself afterward. after getting back to my hotel and going to bed at 1am, I turned around and took the hotel shuttle back to the airport at like 5 am.
for the second leg of this weekend, i flew out to st louis to see joey valence and brae again. this is the second half of their hyperyouth tour sponsored by monster. on their merch preview, they had this awesome zip-up hoodie with HOOLIGANG (their fanbase name and the name of one of their songs) on the front and their demonhead logo on the back. its so comfy and thick. its been my go to hoodie when I leave the house. I did make a friend at this concert and e was super cool !!! we managed to get our way to like the second row to barricade!!! for the show, JVB has like this list of rules: dance, make/bring a friend, wear a cool outfit, etc. its so fun for the fan culture. they also take pictures of their fans at every show and post them to @jvbhooligang on insta !!! so... you can see my outfit it was so hard to get the X and the swirl with the gemstones BUT they stayed in place all night despite me being SUPER SWEATY.
BUUUT the highlight of the st louis trip was I got to see my best friend j!!!!!! we've been friends forever so they picked me up from the airport and we got to spend the day hanging out before the concert. we hung around in this cute little historic downtown area. we started at a lovely little cafe and had matchas.. then we went to this cute little bookstore and stopped in a bunch of different shops. we rounded out it out by stopping in a cat cafe and playing with a bunch of cute cats!!! then we went to lunch, checked into the hotel and I got ready for my concert. j didnt want to go (since JVB is pretty rowdy LOL) so they got to spend some time with family in STL. after the show, I chattered at them before we went to bed. the next morning they dropped me off at the airport and I went home.
and while all I wanted to do was lay down and crash... I got roped into going out to lunch and then dinner LOL. I called into work the next day and slept like all day to recover.

— march

march has flown by so far. I have spring break next week... I went to a prospective students event and need to get my app in for law school... it feels good so far. my big goal for this month was to actually recap and write up this reporter so... goal achieved!!! yay!!!
currently, I'm helping my dad update my brother's old room into my new room. we scrapped the popcorn ceiling today and I think we are going to primer and paint it next weekend. dad also talked about ripping out the carpet in there and put down vinyl. we are also changing out the light fixture. and it makes me wanna remodel my own house even more.. its hard work but its fun too.
I have a lot of work to do going forward... but I'm on the cusp of some exciting stuff!!!

weekly reporter special edition
quarterly bulletin extra

[entry]

Apr. 21st, 2026 05:02 pm
churin: (hibana)
[personal profile] churin
hello friends! i've been busy with work and reading lately. been re-reading black cat and soul eater, and also started reading fire force which is also good~ i finally have a day off tomorrow, so i'll probably spend that relaxing and reading TwT

i also have an itch to play guild wars 2 some more again, so i'm sure i'll spend tomorrow playing that as well

hope my followers are doing alright!

(no subject)

Apr. 21st, 2026 03:57 pm
zoomieyo: f!akira from mhyk (f!akira)
[personal profile] zoomieyo
i was gonna make this a vent-y kinda thread in one of the discords im in but uhhh topic actually fits so well here on my dreamwidth soooo

rambely working through thoughts cw: food tracking )

yearly 50 questions - 2026

Apr. 9th, 2026 05:56 pm
zoomieyo: nero and f!akira from mhyk (akinero)
[personal profile] zoomieyo
Yearly 50 Questions Prompt from here
Read more... )
haunted_cherries: bamby from plave (bamby)
[personal profile] haunted_cherries
(b/c OF COURSE I would make the Plave-specific entry have a title with Plave lyrics xD)

I was feeling down the other day so instead of moping about, I switched it up and went out into the world! Was feeling brave about being social, so I went to an album release party for one of my fave kpop groups, Plave!! Their latest album came out recently and it so nice to meet other fans in my area and trade photocards with them!! ; u; (I was scared SHITLESS as I often am when meeting new people but FUNK YEAH WE MADE IT AND WE DID THAT SHIT ^ o^)/)

I'm usually so nervous about this kind of stuff since I consider myself a much more casual kpop fan, but this honestly felt really nice. ❤️ You can check out my haul from the event in the photos on Pillowfort (including some of the photocards that I can FINALLY cross off my wishlist and MY FIRST LIGHTSTICK LET'S GOOOOOOOOOO!!!)!!

Afterwards I drove to the top floor of one of my favorite parking garages that overlooks downtown (thankfully it was DEAD) and was just listening to some Plave music for a while. It was so peaceful and helped clear my head a LOT.

Even better that I came home and finally got around to playing a Date with Death, and I didn’t expect that game to be so HILARIOUS xD DEFINITELY gonna circle back and play the DLC for the first one before I start playing the sequel that just came out…👀

Final Fantasy Tactics Liveblog Part 1

Apr. 18th, 2026 09:10 pm
althea_valara: Icon captioned "a woman bracing herself." (bracing)
[personal profile] althea_valara
So in the recent post by [personal profile] wavesagainstrocks on how you do fandom, I said the following:


I do sometimes feel I am too narrow-minded in my fandoms, because except for yarncrafts and Final Fantasy, I don't really venture out of those areas? I keep saying I'm going to play more single-player games on my own, but it's so EASY to default to FFXI or FFXIV or replay a comforting game. Earlier this year I was playing Epistory (Typing adventures!) which I was enjoying, and I don't think I have much more left so I should probably finish that. I also played about two hours of Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 and immediately was interested... but the activation energy to do something new to me is hard to find. So easy to just... not do it.


WELL FOLKS! I am away from home watching my sister's dog. My PS5 is back home, so no FFXIV - neither potato computer or mom's laptop can handle it. I could play FFXI on potato computer, but I left its gaming pad at home. Which means either fumbling with keyboard controls (and I am NOT good at them) or seeing if my Switch Pro controller would work.

But that, for once, sounds like too much effort.

So what to do? Well, I brought my Switch along! Now, I could replay FFXII. I was supposed to be doing a random job challenge of it recently, but only played an hour. As much as I like FFXII, I think... I think I don't want to replay a game right now.

Which means I am going to start FINAL FANTASY TACTICS today!

Okay, okay, it's another FF game. But I've never played it. And I have long felt that lack of experience in it as a hole in my gaming knowledge. There's a REASON it's way up there with the Zelda series as a "most wanted to play" game.

I know surprisingly a lot about the game, for not having played it. First, I have an idea of what the gameplay is like, because I've played the shit out of FFT: Advance. Seriously! My game file had like 180 hours put in it.

Second, I know many of the characters already, from them having shown up in first FFBE/WOTV and then when I did the Ivalice raids in FFXIV. This also means I know many of the bigger enemies, too.

I also helped R51 at Caves of Narshe update his FFT section for its recent re-release. This means I know EVERY SINGLE item, weapon, and armor in the game, because I proofread those pages. I know where stuff drops from, or is poached from. I know all the locations, because I checked their map pages for correct links.

My posts will be FULL OF SPOILERS but I ask that you PLEASE not spoil me for anything I haven't talked about yet. Thanks in advance!


here spoilers start )
haunted_cherries: leona kingscholar's countdown official art from twisted wonderland (leona countdown)
[personal profile] haunted_cherries
Today is my top favorite character's birthday (Ruggie Bucchi from Twisted Wonderland if that wasn't already obvious xD) and I recently realized that he's my first experience with having a "comfort character" of sorts?

"Comfort character" in the sense that I feel like this is the top character I relate to, share some backstory with, and see a lot of myself in. The person that Ruggie is currently and the person he's had to be to survive a really harsh and unforgiving upbringing ain't all that different, but he's a little dude making the best of the hand he's been dealt (and being a hilarious smartass in the midst of it xD), and I've always appreciated that.

Happy Birthday, Ruggie, and here's to many more. Thanks (to you, Leona, and Jack) for always being there. ; u; 🍩🧡
mesona: Anime-style girl with dark green hair (Default)
[personal profile] mesona

I have been stressed and ailing for the past week or so, so I'm looking forward to the playoffs starting in a few hours. The Play-In tournament was interesting but ended anti-climatically, so not much to say on that. Probably doesn't help that I have a bone to pick with like 6 of the 8 teams and bland neutrality to the rest. It is pretty funny that after the Hornets were looking to be a playoffs dark horse they got swept miserably by the much-maligned Magic.

With the playoffs teams in place, I took out my Oriens Animal tarot deck and got to work determing the outcome of the first round of the NBA playoffs. While consulting the mini guidebook I opened the last page and saw that the artist is actually Malaysian like me, something which has seemingly escaped my notice until now. A pleasant surprise.

Without further ado, I present my findings.

Methodology

I will draw 8 cards for the 8 teams in a conference in order of seeding, placing them side to side in their respective matchups. The Eastern and Western conferences shouldn't share the same card pool, so I will first read for the West before reshuffling and reading for the East.

Results

The Western Conference

4 pairs of tarot cards

CardWinInLoseCard
7 of SwordsOKC5Suns2 of Pentacles
King of WandsSpurs4Blazers8 of Cups
9 of WandsNuggets5?Wolves8 of Pentacles
Knight of SwordsRockets4LakersJudgement

Full breakdown )

With all the results in a table, it is quite interesting that the losing side have Pentacles/Cups and even numbers, while the winning side has Swords/Wands and odd numbers. We'll see if this trend stays.

The Eastern Conference

4 pairs of tarot cards

CardWinInLoseCard
Wheel of FortunePistons5MagicAce of Wands
9 of SwordsCeltics676ers2 of Swords
3 of CupsKnicks6Hawks3 of Pentacles
High PriestessRaptors7Cavs10 of Swords

Full breakdown )

Unlike the western conference, there are no obvious patterns here. The presence of 2 major arcana may hint to some major developments, I suppose.

I will wake up in some 4 hours for Game 1 of Nuggets-Timberwolves. Good night!

EDIT: AND THE NUGGETS TAKE GAME 1. Scary first quarter but we won by 11. Suck it timberpups!! (Rudy Gobert is a terrorist)

New Fictional Idol Community!

Apr. 18th, 2026 09:47 am
incomplete_ruler: (han sooyoung [orv])
[personal profile] incomplete_ruler
Whippee I didn't expect to make this post so soon, but I just wanted to say my fictional idol/music fandom comm [community profile] fictionalidols is finally public! I tried to make a dw comm for a specific small fandom before which was...an experience, so I thought I'd make something a bit more general this time. I'm gonna be busy today so I probably won't get around to promoting it until later, but I definitely needed to post about it here at least. I'm also gonna have a whole week off before I do any events or other admin stuff (unless it's important) just to prepare myself.

So yeah, go my children and play in the idolpen!

MORE PRETTIES!!

Apr. 16th, 2026 03:00 pm
althea_valara: Icon of teal colored yarn, with the words "Stand back, I have YARN!" on top. (yarn)
[personal profile] althea_valara
Stitch Club was today, and there was MORE destashing happening, so I have a new round of pretties!

click for pics and descriptions! )

I have really lucked out lately.

[entry]

Apr. 15th, 2026 08:36 pm
churin: (Default)
[personal profile] churin
guess who know owns a second mcr vinyl? meee!!

Shounen can be good! Who woulda thunk

Apr. 15th, 2026 04:53 pm
fitia: A cartoon drawing of a brown-skinned girl with pink hair and pigtails looking happily at her flip-phone (General Media Thoughts)
[personal profile] fitia

I don't have the brain for long, effortposting at the moment, but I've just caught up with the manga Akane-banashi, which I've been enjoying so much that it deserves a recommendation! The story follows an impulsive, headstrong, single-minded young woman named Akane and her journey into becoming a fully fledged rakugoka (practitioner of rakugo, Japanese oral storytelling). She gained the love of the art from her father, who was unfortunately expelled from the school he practiced under, and her goal is to confront the head of that school in order to understand what led to that expulsion.

The series has a very colourful and endearing ensemble cast, but the standout is definitely its protagonist, Akane, who is basically all anyone would want if they're being frequently let-down by most women written in manga featured in the Weekly Shounen Jump magazine. Her growth throughout the series has been incredible so far, and she's such a sweetheart! But most importantly, she's taken as seriously as she deserves. Which is bare minimum, but if you're into the shounen recipe and like women, then I really suggest you meet her.

As for the story, it's a very fun immersion into the world of rakugo, which I was entirely unfamiliar with before I started it. The story is supervised by rakugoka, and at the end of each volume they offer trivia as insight into how the art functions. There are a lot of compelling threads in the story, about how to build yourself as an artist, how to build an audience, how to keep a more traditional art alive in the modern day, the shackles that tradition necessarily imply, etc etc. All within a beautifully drawn and immersive artstyle, that has all the expressiveness and humour I love in manga. 

I do have a lot more thoughts on this story, on where it's at, what I feel it's missing and what I hope to see next, but my brain isn't cooperating with me at the moment so I mostly want more people reading it!! It has an anime coming out right now, too, if that's more your thing. Give it a chance. Do it for Akane. There's yuri potential in there too if it sweetens the deal.

Fan Fest Entry story and pics!

Apr. 14th, 2026 05:25 pm
althea_valara: An icon of the Wind-up Alphinaud minion from Final Fantasy XIV. (alphi)
[personal profile] althea_valara
(copied from Bsky. Click pics to embiggen.)

So I wasn't a finalist this year in the FFXIV Fan Fest art contest, but I'm still proud of what I made. Here's the story of how I came to knit Alphinaud. [bsky.social profile] colin-ryan #ffxiv #knitting

A close-up of a knitted doll of Alphinaud, focusing on his face.
[Image Description: A close-up on the face of a knitted doll of Alphinaud from Final Fantasy XIV. He's got blue eyes, pointy ears, and a mess of white hair.]

Last May, my depression flared up. Lots of little things were going wrong, and I lost confidence in myself. I needed to do SOMETHING to regain my confidence, so I decided to knit Alphi.

Knitting is my safe space. It's the one area of my life where I am fearless and unafraid to try new things. Because it's just yarn, folks - if you make a mistake, you rip out and redo it. The yarn doesn't mind! (well, most of the time).

So I knew I'd be knitting SOMETHING, and settled on Alphinaud because I adore his character. He keeps moving forward, even when things go wrong or are especially hard. He doesn't give up. I could use a bit of his courage, and hoped knitting him would help.

Knitting his body was the easy part. The pattern is my own design that I've knit at least 10 times before, so it was just a matter of doing it again and making slight changes as Alphinaud is on the slimmer side. It took 22.5 hours over the course of 20 days.

A knitted doll of Alphinaud, sans clothing.
[Image Description: A knitted doll of Alphinaud from FFXIV. He's NAKED! SCANDALOUS! He's got blue eyes and pointed ears. His white hair cap has been knitted and sewn on, but the strands of hair haven't been placed yet in this picture.]

The clothes would be trickier, as I'd be designing them from scratch based on his in-game Sage outfit.

I started with a boot. I wasn't sure how to do the flaps at first. I tried doing foldover flaps but could not wrap my head around the logistics needed for the fold. I scrapped that and then tried flaps separately. That worked better!

I was testing different yarns, though, and the yarn I had tried was too gauzy held singly. So I scrapped that attempt and tried again with the yarn held double. It worked better, but made a tight boot that could stand up on its own. Oops!

Eventually, I gave up on the boot and started on his white tunic. I tried knitting the split hem first, but it was NOT going well.

So I put the tunic aside and knit his pants. This wasn't too bad, because I'd previously made pants for other dolls so it was just a matter of a few alterations to be true to his in-game pants.

This brought me to end of July 2025. Life improved. I had regained my confidence and gotten busy with stuff, so Alphinaud went to the wayside for a time.

Then in late January, the Fan Fest Art Contest was announced! Now, I actually did consider making some other things for it, but some quick calculations told me I didn't have the time. So back to Alphi I went.

His white tunic was first. I goofed on my first attempt by not making an opening at back that would allow it to pass over his head. So I ripped and redid it.

I knit the tunic top down, ending with a point made by decreases on both front and back. It was then time to make the "tails" of the tunic.

Here I made a collosal error: I went off memory, and did not double check the reference picture. I thought there were three tails on both front and back. I dutifully knit them. WRONG!

So I had to rip out all that work and redo the tails. This took a lot of contemplation and experiment to get them right!

I started the tails bottom up. Doing the silver stripes was easy. The problem was that the angle of the tails' bottoms did not match the angle of the tunic bottoms. I would need to determine how to account for that angle.

The answer, after much trial and error: SHORT ROWS! I knit the bottom of the tails first, then did short rows to turn a corner and square off the top, then did decreases along the top to match the angle of the tunic. WHEW!

I finally finished the white tunic on February 26, and went on to the boots, which I reknit in heavier weight yarn. That worked better!

I did not finish the boots until March 2nd. Time was running out - the deadline was the 6th. Would I finish in time? I still needed to do his coat, gloves, and place/style his hair, at the very least.

I started his coat next. Thankfully, I've made doll coats before, so had some idea of how to do it, so I didn't waste much time figuring things out.

Even so, I did not finish the coat until 6:17pm CST on the 6th. EEP! Just a few hours left to deadline!

I took a break for dinner, then went back to it. I started placing hair, spending 40 minutes on it and stopping at 8pm.

I had previously done the first glove when taking a break from the coat, but needed to knit the second. That took 1 hour 13 minutes, finishing at 9:14pm CST.

Finally, I finished the hair. It took me another 1 hour 16 minutes. I finished at 10:30pm CST - 3.5 hours before the midnight PST deadline.

I'd done all the knitting I could. I had planned on doing smaller details as well, but there just wasn't time. Still, I felt he was recognizably Sage Alphinaud. Time for photos!

Unfortunately, photos took some cursing and extra time. To get decent photos in the horizontal layout required took me another hour and a half.

I submitted my official entry just after midnight CST - about two hours before the deadline. Here's those pics. They are not great, so I am not surprised I did not make finalist.

My Official FFXIV 2026 Fan Fest Art Contest Entry
[Image Description: My official Fan Fest entry photos, showing a knitted doll of Alphinaud in his Sage outfit. There's three pics, a larger one on the left showcasing his front, with two smaller pics on the right showing him from the side and back. He's got white hair in a braid, pointed ears, and is wearing a white tunic, blue coat, black pants and white boots and gloves. A charm on a silver necklace completes the outfit.]

Am I disappointed? Of course. But still: proud of myself. I perserved and worked hard and got it done to my satisfaction. Here's some close-up glamor shots taken today!

A knitted doll of Alphinaud from Final Fantasy XIV
[Image Description: A knitted doll of Alphinaud from FInal Fantasy XIV. He's got a mess of white hair, pointed ears, and blue eyes. He's wearing a white tunic with tails. The tails have silver stripes at an angle. He's also wearing a blue coat, black pants, white boots and white gloves that are open on the back of the hand.]

A close up of a knitted doll, showing off his glove.
[Image Description: A close of up a knitted doll of Alphinaud, showing off his glove. It is white with an opening on the back of the hand. The doll's "hand" is a simple gathered tube without a thumb, so the glove is pretty simple too.]

A close-up of a knitted doll, showing off his knitted boots.
[Image Description: Close up photo of a knitted doll of Alphinaud. You can see the bottom of his black pants in the photo, but the subject of the photo is his white boots. They go halfway up his leg, and have two flaps about a quarter of the way down.]

A close up on knitted Alphinaud's tunic.
[Image Description: A close up of the tunic for my knitted Alphinaud. It's white, featuring a garter stitch panel on front with two pointed tails. The tails have silver stripes set at an angle.]

The back view of a knitted doll of Alphinaud.
[Image Description: A knitted doll of Alphinaud, from the back. He's got a mop of white hair on the top, with a neat braid falling down his back. He's wearing a blue coat and white gloves. You can just see the tails of his white tunic peeking out from underneath the coat.]

Alisaie supervised during this process as I had previously knit her--five years ago, so my gauge changed. This meant Alphinaud turned out smaller as I had tightened up some over the years.

Alisaie supervises the knitting of her brother.
[Image Description: A knitted doll of Alisaie from Final Fantasy XIV, sitting in a gaming chair. She is supervising the knitting of her brother. So far, just his head is knit to just under where his nose would be. His blue eyes have already been placed. The knitting is on four small double-pointed needles arranged in a square.]

Here's the twins together - and yes, Alisaie is LIVID at being the bigger, more "rugged" twin. [bsky.social profile] bethanwalker [bsky.social profile] colin-ryan

Knitted dolls of Alphinaud and Alisaie
[Image Description: Knitted dolls of Alphinaud (left) and Alisaie (right) from Final Fantasy XIV. Alphinaud is in his Sage outfit from Endwalker and is wearing a blue coat, white tunic, black pants and white books and gloves. Alisaie is in her Shadowbringers outfit and is wearing a short red dress, thigh-high knitted boots, and a beige bolero trimmed in white fur. They were knitted five years apart so my gauge changed in that time, and Alphinaud turned out smaller than his sister. Yes, Alisaie is LIVID at being the more "rugged" twin.]

I hope you enjoyed reading this journey. I had a blast working on this (and also headaches at time) and would do it again in a heartbeat. I WILL make more dolls in the future. Deciding who will be the fun part!

Congratulations to the Fan Art finalists! You are all amazingly talented. And to all the players and fans: keep forging ahead. It's worth it.
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[personal profile] wavesagainstrocks has a post inquiring on how you do fandom, specifically, do you flit from fandom to fandom or do you stick with one at a time?

I left a thoughtful answer because I found the question interesting! They'd like to hear others thoughts, so if you have some, why not go leave a comment?
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